David and I took a much-needed vacation to Chicago this weekend. And we did it up. We got a hotel room downtown, planned some shopping and eating at fancy places. We had been looking forward to this trip for months. For one, it was the first time we’d really been away from our daughter, who is 15 months old, for longer than a night. And for two, we were celebrating my 30th birthday, an early 5-year anniversary, valentines day, and a little babymoon before baby #2 arrives in 5 weeks.
To make a long story short, the first 36 hours were great. But then I either ate something bad, the 3rd trimester is flaring it’s ugly head, or I caught a bug because our romantic date night lasted only through water being brought to our table and I announced we needed to go back to our hotel ASAP.
Within an hour I couldn’t keep anything down. At least we were in a nice hotel, and I will say that I have never been sick in a nicer bathroom. We spent the rest of our trip in the hotel – me in bed and David watching the Olympics on mute.
What little we were able to do in Chicago before I got sick was eat and shop. David gave me some money for my birthday, so I had a hay-day spending it on post-maternity clothes.
But you know what I could think of once I got home? Not all the great stuff I got or the fun we had [pre-sickness], but all the stuff I didn’t buy. Yes, that’s right. I have been thinking “maybe I should have bought this instead of that…” and “oooh, that shirt/those pants/that clip from Anthropologie would be great for my closet…” Over and over, I kept thinking about what I DIDN’T buy…and I just wanted more stuff.
It’s that same plight – when we have, we always want more. Now, maybe things would have been different in my head if David and I would have been able to enjoy the second half of our vacation rather than being in survival mode (me: “I think I can eat ginger ale and saltines” David “I’ll go to walgreens” he does, i try it. me: “nope, can’t keep those down. maybe ice chips?” David: “I’ll order those” and on and on).
The truth is, I have an insatiable appetite for stuff – and for stuff that I don’t have. No matter if I have a stomach flu that puts a damper on my vacation or not, who I am really shines through when I’m at our weakest. And I didn’t like the dingy light of myself I saw today.
It will come as no surprise to you when I say that I am behind on my bible in 90 days reading. 3 days behind in fact. Yes, that is exactly how long we were gone on our vacation – and exactly how long I stopped reading the Bible. Even my congested, dizzy, sick head with a major case of pregnancy brain can put that together – I need the word of God to keep me balanced.
Today was about confession. I’m sorry for wanting more stuff. But I’m ultimately more sorry for not being thankful for what I do have. I started my time of confession today by listing all the great things in my life. It started off with people – and before I even got past the first three (my husband and two girls), my world seemed to shift back into perspective.
But then I launched into Isaiah, which is where I am with my reading. Nothing like a little destruction and prophesy of the coming Messiah to humble my sinner’s heart. There was even a section a few chapters in about all the women of Jerusalem getting all of their clothes and jewelry taken away from them. God was really just showing off to me then.
I’m getting back on track with my reading. But I am also humbled by my own propensity toward sin and also at God’s redeeming love to forgive me and show me a better way.