Tuning My Ear
There are times in my life when I feel like all sorts of a mess. Right now I’ve been referring to this time as a “funk” – but whatever I call it, it feels like I’m swimming upstream, and barely able to come up for air.
And it’s not the craziness of life. My schedule is pretty sane and mild (minus chasing after a 13-month-old and feeling like I say “No, ma’am” to her all the live-long day).
Rather, I think it is that place of desperation when I just need God. He brings me here every once and a while – sometimes I think for no other reason than to tune my ear to his heart.
I’m taking the 90-day Bible challenge (reading through the Bible cover to cover in that amount of time) and this has been my first step to learning to listen to God’s voice in my life. I believe the words of scripture are living and active and come from the very throne of God – so even when I am reading about animal sacrifice and when a rash is considered a boil or clean, I know there is power in immersing myself in that space and in those words.
As I finished my reading for today, I was praying (because I literally was reading Leviticus and couldn’t think of anything I had read that I particularly wanted to meditate on…ehem…) and realizing that I am craving that closeness to God. Who knows what the root of my funk is, but somewhere, it is chasing me to God’s presence – showing me how much I need him. For this, I appreciate the funk-i-ness.
I once read that there are two types of prayers – either “help, help, help” or “thank you, thank you, thank you” (was that Anne Lamott who said that??).
Though I feel overwhelmingly blessed and have so much to say “thank you, thank you, thank you” about, right now, I am praying “help, help, help.”
Help me to be more patient with a toddler.
Help me to maintain a positive attitude despite my discomfort in the third trimester.
Help me not to freak out about the birth of baby girl #2 – just 16 months after the birth of my first.
Help me to trust You in the creation of my family.
Help me to make everything less about me.
Help me to listen to your voice.
Now, I know not all my readers believe in God. But you have to admit that there is something bigger than ourselves out there. I am listening to that. I am embracing the bigger story. I am tuning my ear to listen to God’s heart as I quietly whisper to him, “help, help, help.”